Can’t shake this feeling..Aghhh!!!!
Dear God,
explain to me why when I reach out to you with my right hand and ask you to help me up, I feel you take my left hand. Please explain why the times I when I am tired and ask you to give me energy and motivation for life my, why do I then find myself in so much pain I have to become fully occupied to take my thoughts away from its grasp. Why, when I want to complain to you about the people and situations that have upset me do I quickly find myself behaving in the same way. It feels as though today you have placed a mirror to my world and in the reflection is a reflection of my faults , please take away this mirror that now blocks my view, that once clearly saw you and allowed the light to shine through..Why please why? when I ask for real love does it appear and disappear in the same breath, yes in a wink and a blink like the sun so soon to set and leave me once again in the dark..
Why? when I ask for you to give me wisdom do you surround my life with chaos to choose from and when I am tired and ask for strength do you give me a mountain to climb. Please why when I need help to think, do you remove all directions from my life and allow the signposts of demons to line my path and haunt me from the past. Why when I needed sunshine did you bring me the pain and when I needed parenting did you take them away? Why when I feel I have so much love to give, I am surrounded by people who seem to have everything I have to offer, or Babylon’s whores who only want money?
Why did the person that wanted to sail away with me, have to leave alone on a plane and leave me alone with my pain,.. Why do I smile when i am happy and write when I am sad, why is this art fueled by such despair,.. Please I want someone, no, not just someone like all who have passed before, that made me close my hearts door, but that special someone who last week you revealed,..For the first time in a long time, I feel safe to open this hearts door, feel like I want to love her just a little more.Yes I want to continue wanting her and needing her, in each and every way, here to stay, to love with all I have to give, deeper, sweeter, eager and eager, to tease, please and want in every which way, So a prayer to the one who holds it all together, gave the breath to my life and the breath I have shared, and this prayer full of thanks this my life you repaired,
living the lies
instead of living each dream?
2 small ears, swing them here
before this dream splits at the seams
there is a claim on your back
in black and pink ink,
with your name on his wrist
did you once stop to think..
that a day may soon come
where another mans hands
would be caressing the hips
where you tattooed
your life’s plans
and this other mans hands
that embraced and caressed you
gave a chest and a shoulder
a safe place that would rest you
well that man is still here
and he’s not living a lie
instead living his dreams
explore the world and to fly
and the door to this dream
is still open to you
but he is not sure for how long
because a door will close to..